Who is Colwyn?
Colwyn, born Todd James Smeltzer 08/21/1963 to Joseph and Sally Smeltzer with two older brothers Joseph and Brad Smeltzer was the youngest boy, a boy who always asked the question why and was never satisfied with the answers always wanting to go deeper. At the age of eight, I knew something was wrong with this society everything was the opposite of how it should be and for years the tribe (family, church, school, friends) would constantly work on me to release my beliefs and join them. But that was their dream and not mine. From eight to thirty-five I was an actor, singer, coach, writer, director, and producer where my creative voice reached out, and the orator was formed. Then I broke away from my path and married where we had two children who taught me far more about myself than I could ever teach them. But no matter how hard I tried something within me was always crying out. So, one day I was on my bed alone weeping, weeping because I hated my life, my job, my wife, and everything that I perceived was mine. I cried out to the Universe “WHY” and the Universe had to answer but not in the way I wanted but in the way I needed. I told my then-wife that I wanted a divorce not because I did not love her anymore but because I needed to seek my own path, little did I know that the person who I thought was my greatest friend would turn out to be my greatest enemy and take me to court three times over the course of two years. During this time, before the divorce was finalized, she took a lover and introduced him to our children. This set my EGO in full motion and my world became the dark night of the soul. A bottomless pit of fear, anger, hate, rage, self-loathing, where all I could think of was ending my life, my ex-wife’s life, and her lover. And, for one whole month, all I did was formulate every possible way to act this out repeatedly in my dreams and daytime hours (the children would be going to my brothers to live). Till finally, I knew this is not who I am that somewhere in the depth of my inner being was still this small spark screaming to be freed. While attending a four-day seminar/workshop with Celebrate Your Life, Caroline Myss was speaking on divine grace, she had said nothing that I had not heard over and over again, but I was in a place to finally hear the message and get it. And, at that moment it was as if all the Ego, fear, hate, loneliness went pouring out of my chest, where now was a large gaping hole, but then in a split second it was filled with divine grace, light, love the wisdom of the ages, the knowledge that we are never along that everything that has ever happened to us was because of our own thoughts and how we choose to respond to what others do towards us. That my whole life, I could have picked a different path, but it was all okay, because it led me on this path, and this path was amazing. From that day forward my life has been one of being in service to Creating, that I am an instrument of thy peace, and I will strive to do no harm. The Sage in me sought out wisdom teaching from every religion and nature that I could behold, and the Mystic reached out to Creating for divine lessons on Peace, Compassion, Love and Joy, Balance and Acceptance in all things. I have done Yoga, Prayer Sessions, Sweat Lodges, Vision Quests, and recently I have returned from the Mountains of Sedona where I prayed, meditated, and fasted for 40 days and 40 nights alone. Only now have I been given permission from Creating and the Universe to share my journey, stories, and experiences with you and the world in hopes of helping others know that they are never alone and that my Beloved/Creating is always there within all things and in all people waiting to be embraced. Please keep in mind I no longer use my family name when working with others in spirit as I wish to engage as little of my ego as possible, and as Colwyn, I seek no praise or applause but only the warmth of being with others. Where my journey will take me next is out among the people to embrace and love them for the Spirits that they all are. Namaste
Why The Blue Beard
I often am asked, “Why do you have a blue beard” and to be honest most of the time people come up to me and say, “That is amazing,” Some think I do it for attention, others feel it is a marketing tool, and some think I am just flat out crazy. The answer is none of the above, though crazy is the front runners. The reason I wear the Blue Beard is simple many years ago when my daughter Katja was around 9 years old, we were playing a game and I lost, not only did I lose but I lost a bet and owed my daughter one blue beard. Now, for the past 24 years, I have played Santa Claus during the holidays with a full white natural beard. Well, my daughter wanted to see it blue. I told her it would need to wait because at the time I was working for Corporate America, and it would be frowned on in my line of work to dye my beard. So, years and years went by, and a few years back, I was in a place where I could dye my beard blue right after Christmas. Currently, I have worked as a full-time family entertainer, a professional clown, pirate, wizard, for the past 32 years. I performed magic, face painting, and balloon art. And, I performed as Santa Claus for the past 25 years. But a promise is a promise, and I was going back to college to take a few classes in religion and marketing, but I was not working in the corporate sector. Any parent will tell you one of the most important things is a bond between you and your children, so, to keep a promise/contract, I dyed my white beard cobalt blue for my daughter and now I keep it that way from Jan to Nov. Someday I may try a different color, red, purple, or green but blue is one of my sacred colors. And to tell the truth I enjoy seeing the reactions of people, not because it brings me any emotional connection but because it lets me see where they are at with their own judgment of others.
Why The Name Colwyn
Twenty-five years ago, when my son was born, I wanted to name him Colwyn, a name I always liked, and it held a form of enchantment over me, but my then-wife said no to that name, and he was given the name Joseph after my father who had passed away some years before. It worked out great for my son as he has always been a Joe or Joey and it fits him like a glove, names do have a way of finding us. Now Colwyn means river or flowing water in Welsh, and for some reason, I was always drawn towards it. I first heard it back in 1983 when the movie Krull premiered, and the main character was called Colwyn. He was a prince on a quest to save the women he loved a princess and to bring balance to the galaxy. The movie was okay as far as action pictures go, but it was the name Colwyn that stayed with me all those years. I even would have dreams where people would call me Colwyn or I would refer to myself as Colwyn. It was not until I awoke or found consciousness that I realized that name was always meant for myself, even in a dream Creating spoke to me and called me by Colwyn, so from that point on I do almost everything under the name Colwyn. I do this also as to not invoke an Ego. If I were to use my birthing name Todd James Smeltzer and do the spiritual work I am now doing, then part of that name seeks recognition, awareness of what a good person I am, and the good work I am doing, this is how the Ego works. But, to do the work under the name of Colwyn there is little, or no Ego engaged, because Colwyn relates to my spiritual path and not my human journey. Now, to my family, and some of my friends and associates I still go by Todd my given name, but that is being slowly replaced. And is mostly there for their sake and not mine. The name Colwyn found me, and it is funny how it all worked out, someone pointed out once that Colwyn, could also mean Clownie, and I am also a professional clown of 32+ years. The name Colwyn will not be remembered or associated with the work/sharing that I do and is only a name and nothing more. I hold no delusions of grandeur, and I am content in knowing that in my passing the name Colwyn will diminish as well.